(The Jewish Home)
When Batya Burd-Oved tells the story of her teshuva journey, she explains that she “grew up in a complete religious void.”
When she was eight years old, her Russian-born refusenik father took her outside one night and asked her to look up at the sky. “Do you see a man with a beard, throwing a lightning bolt?” he queried his child. Then he shut down all future discussion by stating, “That’s the last time we’re going to talk about G-d.”
We, the members of his community in the Old City of Jerusalem, thought we knew Gershon Burd. The men at the yeshiva where he worked full time and learned Torah full time thought they knew Gershon. Batya, his wife of ten years and the mother of his five children, thought she knew Gershon.
Only after Gershon drowned in the Mediterranean on his 40th birthday, October 4, did the truth, or tantalizing glimpses of the truth, start to emerge.
On the second day of the shiva, a woman Batya knew appeared in the Burd home. As Batya recounts: “She looked at me with this look and said, ‘I’m going to tell you something you don’t know. No one in the world knows this except me and your husband.’” The woman paused, as if reluctant to divulge her secret. “For nine years, I was the front for your husband’s tzedaka [charity] fund.”
Batya was dumbfounded, “What tzedaka fund?”
The woman continued: “Your husband came to me with money every month and a list of names. I would call the people and they would come to me to pick up the money. They never knew who it came from.”
The proprietor revealed to Batya that Gershon had been paying for the helium balloons.
And then there were the helium balloons. Everyone in the Jewish Quarter of the Old City knew that a certain stationery store gives a free helium balloon to every child on his or her birthday. Since most of the children here come from large, low-income families, a helium balloon is a real glee-producer. On Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah, every child receives two free helium balloons. The Burd children were among those who relished this delightful prize.
No one knew who was sponsoring the free balloons. Paying a shiva call, the proprietor revealed to Batya that Gershon had been paying for the helium balloons. At the end of every month, he would slip into the store and surreptitiously pay for that month’s balloons.
Greg Burd was born in Odessa in 1973. Three years later his parents immigrated to Chicago. Proud but non-observant Jews, they were not equipped to give their only son and two daughters a Jewish education. Greg went to public school, played on his high school football team, became a lifeguard, and got a B.A. in business from the Indiana University.
Greg was 25 years old and working in his father’s insurance agency when his mother invited him to come with her to a Torah class at Rabbi Daniel Deutsch’s Chicago Torah Network. Greg loved the class, and made an appointment to speak to Rabbi Deutsch privately. He brought with him a list of one hundred questions.
Three months later, telling his parents, “I’m in preschool; I don’t know anything about Judaism,” Greg flew to Israel to learn Torah at Ohr Sameach Yeshiva. He returned to Chicago ten months later, but not for long. “I’m in kindergarten,” he told his parents. “I have to learn more.” He returned to Jerusalem. Every year his refrain was, “I’m in first grade. I have to learn more.” “I’m in second grade. I have to learn more.”
At the age of 30, Greg (now Gershon) married Batya Fefer, 28. She, too, came from a Russian family. Raised in Toronto, Batya was a lawyer working for Toronto’s top corporate tax firm when she decided that there had to be more to life. Her spiritual search took her to Nepal, where she climbed Mt. Annapurna, to India, where she met the Dalai Lama, and to a dozen other countries.
Back in Toronto, a friend told her about a free Birthright trip that would take her to Israel. Batya decided that that was a good way to get halfway back to India. Once in Israel, however, she started learning about Judaism at EYAHT, Aish HaTorah’s women’s division. She became observant, and in 2003 married Gershon Burd. They settled in the Old City.
Everyone considered Gershon a nice guy. One of his study partners recalled how Gershon would purposely choose a seat in the yeshiva across from the entrance so he could smile at people as they walked in. He was affable and gentle. In ten years of marriage, Batya heard her husband raise his voice only once—when he felt that someone was trying to rip off the yeshiva. But Gershon’s nice-guy persona was a mere front for his carefully hidden true identity.
Three years ago, Gershon approached Rabbi Nissim Tagger, the head of Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah, where Gershon was both learning and working as administrator. Gershon asked Rabbi Tagger to accept as a student a young man named David, whom Gershon intuited had tremendous potential. Rabbi Tagger had seen David, with his long, curled peyot and hippie-ish dress. “He doesn’t fit in at all with our Yeshivah,” Rabbi Tagger refused.
“He looks like that, but it’s not who he really is,” Gershon begged.
“Will he pay tuition?” Rabbi Tagger queried.
“No,” Gershon answered simply. “He has no money.”
“I have no scholarships available,” replied Rabbi Tagger.
The next day, Gershon returned to Rabbi Tagger and said, “David’s parents decided to pay for most of his tuition, and he’ll do odd jobs to pay for the rest.”
With misgivings, Rabbi Tagger decided to give David a two-week trial period.
Only after Gershon’s death did Rabbi Tagger find out that it was Gershon who paid David’s tuition.
Three years later, David is an accomplished Torah scholar at the yeshiva. Only after Gershon’s death did Rabbi Tagger find out that David’s parents had not paid a penny. It was Gershon who paid David’s tuition. “He lied to me straight to my face,” Rabbi Tagger says, holding back his tears.
The wife of one of the students of the yeshiva had not seen her parents back in America for several years. When she received news that her mother was ill, she wanted to fly back, but she didn’t have enough money for airfare. Hearing about it, Gershon told the woman about a credit card company that was offering a fantastic deal. If she signed up for the credit card and paid just $50, she would receive enough miles to get a free round-trip ticket. Gershon even showed her the promotion on his laptop, and offered to sign her up, explaining that he too would get miles for referring her.
The woman happily gave Gershon the information to sign her up, got her ticket, and flew to America to be with her mother. She never knew that Gershon had made up the whole promotion, even devising the graphic of the ad. Gershon himself paid for her ticket.
Once Gershon decided that a struggling family in the community really needed to take their children for a fun day at “Kef-Tzuba,” an attraction with giant blow-up trampolines, castles, etc. The family lacked the funds for such an outing, so Gershon got them a free coupon. They never knew that Gershon had paid for their admission and fabricated the professional-looking coupon.
Telling this tale, Batya laughs. “Gershon was a shyster. I only know what I know because I caught him on some things.”
When Gershon became aware of couples who were experiencing marital friction, he would surreptitiously pay for therapy sessions for them, with neither the couple nor the therapist aware of who was paying.
Nine years ago, Gershon got an idea. He created “Western Wall Prayers,” and put Batya in charge of it. This is a service where people all over the world can pay to have someone go to the Kotel and pray for them for 40 consecutive days. Not only have hundreds of people had their prayers answered through this age-old custom, but also the money raised supports many families of Torah scholars in the Old City.
At the shiva, the Rosh Yeshiva disclosed that Gershon once came to him and asked if it was permissible according to Jewish law to give the “prayer agents” fake names to pray for. It was a low period for Western Wall Prayers, and Gershon was worried that the people supported could not afford to lose their regular checks. In order to maintain their dignity, he wanted to continue the funding from his own pocket by giving out fictitious names for which to pray.
Why did Gershon go to such lengths to hide his charitable acts? “He really believed,” explains Batya, “that if the giver gets something from his chesed [act of loving-kindness], it diminishes the chesed. So if someone knows what you did, it means you got something from it, recognition or whatever. The mitzvah is much more powerful if you get nothing … except in the Next World.”
The mystery, of course, is where did the money come from? The Burds were not well-to-do. They didn’t even own a car. They had no inherited wealth and Gershon’s salary as yeshiva administrator was sufficient to cover only the family’s living expenses. Sitting across from Batya at the shiva, I ask her, “Where did Gershon get the money?”
“I have no idea!” she exclaims. “I really don’t know. For years we had a crack in the sink that we couldn’t afford to repair. I have no idea where he got the money to do all this chesed that we’re hearing about now. No idea.”
Daniel Rostenne, Gershon’s best friend and study partner, solves this mystery. “Gershon spent next to nothing on himself,” he explains. “He bought his shoes used on EBay. Used shoes! He bought his suits used on EBay. He would brag to me, ‘Look at this suit. I got it for $10, plus $10 shipping!’ He got his laptop, a used MacBook Air that sells new for $1200, for just a few hundred dollars. He simply didn’t spend money on his personal needs.”
Gershon scrimped on his own needs, so he could be generous in satisfying the needs of others.
Gershon’s red carpet to the Next World is lined with helium balloons, fake coupons and an anonymous charity fund.
His final deal was an overnight getaway at Tel Aviv’s Sheraton Hotel for just him and Batya to celebrate his 40th birthday, paid for with credit card points. Gershon’s favorite recreation was swimming in the ocean. He and Batya deposited their things in their hotel room and went to the beach. Taking one look at the muddy water, Batya opted to sit on the shore. Gershon, an expert swimmer and trained lifeguard, plunged into the waves. Minutes later, a rock or large piece of debris struck him in the back of the neck. Knocked unconscious, he was under water for 15 minutes before Batya, desperately scanning the sea with her eyes, saw her husband’s body float up toward the beach.
A few hours before the funeral, Batya said to one of the yeshiva students: ‘There’s a plan, and what was supposed to happen, happened. Gershon is smiling now in his world. It’ll be hard for me and the children. But Gershon is shining.”
Gershon’s red carpet to the Next World is lined with helium balloons, fake coupons, fictional credit card promotions, an anonymous charity fund, undercover tuition payments, surreptitiously sponsored marriage counseling sessions, and how many other hidden acts of chesed that we will never know.
Hiddenness is a sacred value in Judaism. In fact, according to Jewish lore, the world is sustained in every generation by the merit of 36 hidden tzaddikim. Could a Russian-born former football player from Chicago be one of them?
To donate to the fund for Batya and her children, click here: www.bircas.org/donate
Here is a talk I gave to a few beginner seminary girls. I call it “Why me G-d?” Please share with friends and family. Thanks!!!
Rosh Hashanah is so close! I always worry that I didn’t do the work I needed to do. Life is just soo busy! But I remember one thing my late husband Gershon zt”l used to say to keep in mind for Rosh Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah is about crowning Hashem King. But what does that mean? Do I envision some great leader on a throne with a crown on his head and me bowing in servitude towards him? Is this really the work that’s going to give me a better din on Rosh Hashanah? Seems so childish. Here I remember Gershon zt”l relaying the story of Akeidat Yitzhak as Rabbi Shimon Green used to tell it.
Sacrificing one’s son is an almost insurmountable test for anyone – let’s face it. But do we really understand what it meant for Avraham? Avraham was the pillar of chesed. The one who knew he was chosen to bring the world back to truth, acts of loving kindness, and justice. Who expected that his son Yitzchak would be the head of the great Jewish people through which all of mankind would achieve perfection. He was famous throughout the world. He was Mr. Kiruv himself! Everything he did brought people closer. He stood for G-d and goodness.
What would be of his reputation?What would be of his role in the world? His whole life was devoted to showing people the goodness of G-d so that they would also serve G-d.Now, he was not only sacrificing Yitzchak, but everything he had stood for amongst the masses. The next day the world would think he was a mad man and that his G-d a tyrant, chas v’shalom. It would turn everyone away.
And still, he did it – at the expense of his kiruv and life efforts – because G-d said so.
So we blow the shofar, the ram’s horn, on Rosh Hashanah, who was sacrificed in Yitzchak’s place.
This is what it means to crown Hashem King. We all follow Hashem in some ways. Some mitzvot are easy – how hard is it to smile at an old lady or take her hand to cross the street? But what about the mitzvot that are hard for us? What about the mitzvot that run counter to our beings or offend us in some ways? What about the mitzvot that just get in the way of our parnassa or what we want? We all have places that are our own potential akeidat Yitzhak. And it is davka in those places, that we are asked to truly crown Hashem King.
Here we need help, and pray “Hashem, please let Your will be my will”.
This Rosh Hashanah, pick one mitzva that is hard for you and do it anyway, just because G-d said so. There you will be crowning Hashem King where he was not King over you before. There you will G-d-willing earn a better din.
And if you need a little more zchuyot for this year (who doesn’t) and haven’t already done so, this is your last chance to send your prayer request for Tikun Haklali prayers at Rebbe Nachman’s kever in Uman on Erev Rosh Hashanah.
Hashem should bless you that your prayers will be answered and that all of Am Yisroel merit a good, sweet year of health, fulfillment, and success in ruchniut and gashmiut.
It’s almost Rosh Hashanah – Yom HaDin, da dum.There’s shopping, and cooking and outfits to pick.There are meals to plan and shuls to pick. There are relatives to remember.
And then there’s…. our future to consider. Who we are. What we want.Now is the time to put forth that last stretch effort of tzedaka, teshuva and prayer. Here we can help put you over the top b’ezrat Hashem.
We are sending a few of our Jerusalem learners to Rebbe Nachman’s tomb in Uman, Ukraine to say the special Tikun HaKlali prayer (10 specific psalms said in a certain order) specifically for each prayer request on Erev Rosh Hashanah.
Rebbe Nachman was known to have said that he will help whoever comes to his tomb and says the tikun, and that on Erev Rosh Hashanah he has the ability to do extra tikkunim unavailable during the rest of the year. What once was a strictly Breslev tradition has spread to much of the Jewish world because of the great inspiration experienced there.
So take this opportunity to add to your zchuyot before the din!
Pray for me in Uman! (Under “Prayer Option” at the bottom of the page, choose “($36) Uman – Erev Rosh Hashanah Tikun Haklali”)
You and all of Am Yisroel should be signed and sealed for a sweet, fulfilling, peaceful, healthy and plentiful new year!
Batya
Each year on Rosh Hashanah, “all inhabitants of the world pass before G‑d like a flock of sheep,” and it is decreed in the heavenly court “who shall live, and who shall die … who shall be impoverished, and who shall be enriched; who shall fall and who shall rise.”
Since this is something serious, G-d gave us the entire month of Elul to reflect on the year gone by and prepare. We are supposed to see where we went wrong and try to transform, to spend more time learning Torah, praying and giving charity. To make it easier to judge us favorably, G-d illuminates His Thirteen Attributes of Mercy for us this month.
We pride ourselves on the fact that our 40-days project supports Torah scholars in Eretz Yisroel, increases prayer – at the holiest place on earth – and contributes tzedakka to the poor of Jerusalem. It is the perfect blend of all 3 mitzvot we should be focusing on in Elul. We also hope that it will truly help you in your goals to come close to the Almighty and to your life’s greatest potential. Hashem wants you to succeed – and so do we!
If you haven’t already done so, this is your last chance to get your prayers to the Kotel for 40 days from Rosh Chodesh Elul through Yom Kippur.
May you be blessed with a sweet and happy New Year and may the world merit to see the destruction of evil and the prevalence of peace and morality once and for all,
Batya Burd
Having run this project for over a decade now, I often get told personal stories of people doing 40-days themselves (and am frequently answering halachic questions on the particulars of doing the 40-days).
The other day a friend told me a beautiful story. She has never been married and has been dating for over 20 years. Her sister was also unmarried and dating for what seemed to be an eternity. Thinking only of her sister, my friend decided to do the 40-days for her. Now, if you have ever done the 40-days, you know that it is a massive commitment and overhaul of your life. If it is not your first priority, you will more than likely miss a day and have to start all over again. You also must plan 5-6 Shabbosim near the Old City and cannot be away from Jerusalem for more than a day the entire time. You also cannot miss sundown and should keep a chart to be sure.
In short, this is no easy or simple task!
Day in and day out, she did this. Climbing and descending those Kotel stairs. “Hashem, please bring my sister her husband!” After 40 days, she waited and watched together with her sister. Nothing happened.
She continued to feel the pain of her sister’s loneliness.
She resolved to do the 40-day prayer segula again. 5-6 Shabbosim near the Old City. No leaving Jerusalem for over a month. Never missing sundown at the Kotel for 40 days. All over again. “Please Hashem let my sister marry her soul-mate!” Baruch Hashem she was successful – all 40 were done in a row! When she was finished, again she watched and waited. Still nothing.
She remained steadfast and determined. If 80 days wasn’t enough, she thought, I’ll do 120. If 120 isn’t enough – I’ll do 160.
She booked another 40 days out of her life to be close to the Kotel and faithfully checked off her chart as she poured out her heart at the Kotel daily for her sister to get married. On day 40 at the Kotel, while she was davening, she actually experienced a beautiful presence come over her and felt that her prayers had been accepted.
Low and behold, she was right. Shortly after, her sister became engaged and married a wonderful man.
Kol hakavod is all I can say! Always accept your judgement as being for the best, but never take no for answer when it comes to hishtadlut in prayer!
We certainly won’t!
With blessings and love from Jerusalem,
Batya Burd and Your Western Wall Prayers Family
We hope you are having a wonderful summer and getting some time to enjoy the little things.
Having just gone through the incredibly cathartic experience of Tisha B’Av, we hope you are de-processing, defusing and getting ready for the next step…
The year is coming to an end.
Was it what you wanted?Did you come closer to your goals? Fall a little?
If so, it’s not too late to climb back up.
The regrets of the past are yours to erase, the future is yours to create.
Now is the time to take stock and strategize for how you will get the best out of your upcoming year.
What do you want?
How will you get there?
Over here we are incredibly excited for this magical 40-days from Rosh Chodesh Elul through Yom Kippur – when we more tangibly feel the closeness, love and acceptance of our Creator and father.
You can bet that we will be at the Kotel in droves, morning to night, giving tzedaka and praying our hearts out that Am Yisroel, and hopefully you, be granted a beautiful year of plenty and simcha.
We hope you will be with us, with your dreams for yourself and loved ones…
Reserve your prayer agent now!
With love and blessings from Jerusalem,
Batya Burd and Your Western Wall Prayers Family
Pray for me for the 40 days from Rosh Chodesh Elul to Yom Kippur!
Shalom,
We wanted to let you know that once again, some volunteers will be davening at the kevarim of the Shlah, Rashbi (Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai) and Amuka (famous for marriage prayers) high up in the hills of Safed, on Erev Rosh Chodesh Sivan, June 6th.
As you may already know, Erev Rosh Chodesh Sivan is a powerful time to pray to bear good children who are successful in their Torah education and in life, but you can pray for anything and pass this gift onto your friends as well. But, because of the volume involved, we can receive up to 2 requests. Just click here to submit.
Also, something very exciting – Judaica Press has published a book about “The Secret Life of Gershon Burd”, and it is available in your local book store as of June 7. I pray it will inspire many to up their avodas Hashem. My late husband did not come from a long rabbinical dynasty, he was a regular nice guy who played high school football – but he had a dream – to do the right thing and come closer to G-d….
We will be accepting requests for your prayer gift until Friday, June 3rd.
With blessings for happiness, health, and abundance in ruchniyut and gashmiyut,
Batya
We hope you had a meaningful Pesach! Right now, we are counting the Omer. Why? Because we are building up, one brick at a time, to be fitting vessels to receive the true light of Torah on Shavuot. Pesach cleansed us of our arrogance, which prevents us from building good middot, and now, we can use that cleansed person to actually develop the good middot that we need so that Torah will stick to us in the right way.
What do I mean?
A person who is haughty, but learns Torah, may filter that Torah through their arrogant lenses (I’m better and more learned than others so I can look down at them).
A person who is angry, but learns Torah, may filter that Torah through his anger (I have the right to get mad at others because they are doing aveirot and deserve it).
Only a person who has worked on his middot and developed lofty character traits can truly use the Torah in the way that G-d intended – in a way that reflects the harmony and perfection of Hashem.That is what this time is for – to make sure that we are people that use and see the Torah in a way that reflects G-d-liness.
Of course, learning in itself helps a person develop their middot and connect to the Divine Will. We also know that the greatest mitzva is to learn Torah. The point here is that middot work and Torah-learning go hand-in-hand. A person can’t escape working on their middot by learning Torah. Without the first, a person cannot reach perfection.
One such example is Rebbe Shimon Bar Yochai. The Rebbe had reached some of the highest levels of perfection while learning secluded for 12 years in a cave with his son and Eliyahu Hanavi. But still, the Rebbe continued to learn for another 12 years until his lofty spiritual soul could co-exist harmoniously in a world of people who were not as spiritually attuned as he.
Rebbe Shimon’s yarhzeit is on the 33rd day of Lag B’Omer (in just 10 days!).
We will be sending some brave shlichim to Mt. Meron that night to contend with the tens of thousands of other Jews vying for a place at the kever. Tzaddikim have long been known to send shlichim to pray on their behalf at the kever of Rebbe Shimon Bar Yochai when they needed healing or other help. How much more so is the power of prayer at the kever greater on the day of his yarzheit – the day when the Jewish world over celebrates the spiritual light he brought into the world through lighting bonfires.
Be there with us!* A donation of $18 is requested for a personally composed prayer along with a perek of Tehillim.* A donation of $36 is requested for a personally composed prayer as well as the special prayer at the kever of Rebbe Shimon .
With love and blessings from Jerusalem,
Batya