I know we all ask this question at some point in our lives. I just wanted to give my take on it, in case it helps anyone. And, if it does, then it helps me. My healing will largely come from having an impact on others I think. Isn’t it funny how Hashem made us all perfect puzzle pieces in this Universe? My healing comes from helping others to come closer.
Is it any wonder that suffering would be my perfect medicine to inspire me to do that which will give me my true soul healing?

Too circular? Let me get to the point.

Today I met a friend who said that my situation made her realize that life is just a long tight rope we walk, never knowing at which point we may fall to the left or right.

I know it was just an impulse statement, but I really feel that I had to respond in a big way.

I do not think that G-d is out to get me and to test me at every corner just to see what I will do.

My soul was put here in a five foot six brunette named Batya, to marry the type of person I did and have the number and type of children I have, etc. so that I will learn the specific lessons that this experience has to give me because my soul still needs correction in those areas before it returns home to a much more beautiful and permanent place. I happen to incorrectly believe that this role is me, because that is part of making it real. Situations, like a death, shock me out of this facade and remind me of my greater journey as a soul in evolution, jumping from classroom to classroom in the hopes that I will truly take the lessons, overcome my tests, grow and truly become G-d-like through them. My soul once needed my husband Gershon in order to grow. Now my soul needs to experience the loss in order to grow properly.

Do I like it?

Of course not. I wish I could hit the fast-forward button on this part of the movie. It is extremely painful. But to make a choice to use this energy of pain to build, to rededicate myself to the service of God, to consciously focus on my blessings rather than my losses, is an eternal gift I will have with me if I succeed. Life is a choice. It is a good choice. If we choose well, we win forever. If we are too weak to do it, we daven for help! But the choice to choose properly is the choice to truly live forever. It is not about what comes to us, it is about who we become as a result.

I love you all. Thanks for being with me during this extremely trying time. I truly feel part of our greater whole.

10 responses to “Suffering. Why?”

  1. Sara Yoheved Rigler says:

    Gut-renching, soul-inspiring blog. I want to share this blog with hundreds of people.

  2. FB says:

    Well-said and beautiful!!
    Hamakom yenachem etchem b’toch she’ar aveilei tzion v’yerushalayim.

  3. Julie Freydin says:

    You are a real inspiration!

  4. petlover1948 says:

    May you and your children and entire family be blessed with comfort and strength and good health, always. love, al

  5. Julie says:

    Thank you for sharing! I hope your pain will weaken, if only just a bit, with every passing day.

  6. Devorah Stieglitz says:

    Batya just to clarify for you: YOU ARE UNREAL! no words, simply no words for you my dear friend.

  7. This is quite inspiring and very true. Thank you. I feel your faith as mine grows.

  8. Dearest Batya, I don’t know if you remember me. I had done several 40 day tefilot with you many years ago. I will never forget how you inspired me to have emunah n patience as your tzaddekes shalichot were davening for me. I wish I could tell you that all my tefilot were answered. They have not.. Yet. But, you taught me to never give up hope and to keep davening. Bh, I have done that n continue in your zchut. It broke my heart when I realized that it was ” your” husband that was niftar 🙁

    I live in Chicago. I did not know you when you lived here. But I must tell you that when your husband was niftar, an ENTIRE city went into mourning. I have never seen anything like this in 35 years of living here!! ! I can only Imagine how special Gershon z’l and you n your family are. Now that I read your blog and your unimaginable koach of emunah n bitachon and a desire to inspire others, I understand why my whole city mourned. May Hashem comfort you and your family and continue to give you this extra dose of koach. I hope you can feel the love and admiration of everyone whose lives you have touched in the past and now again, with your brave n honest blog. Hamakom Yinachem Etchem b’toch Avlei Tzion V’yerushalayim..Margie

  9. kim bash says:

    batya, every time i read your blog you inspire me to become better, appreciate my life and the people in it and most important connect to our creator and know that he loves me. thank you. love you and i want you to know you are never alone, your family is our family. xxxxxx

  10. soffi sutton says:

    batya, you are a REAL inspiration…may H´continue to bless you with this clarity and koach to be able to help your kids grow strong and well. i also thank H´for making us roommates !!! i feel blessed to have such a special soul as a friend and teacher.
    lots of love from Brazil

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